To B.J. (letter to a loyal soldier)

 

I’m sorry…

I’m sorry that I didn’t become what you wanted.

What you expected.

What you thought was expected.

 

You tried.

Lord knows you gave it our all;

But the pressure – the gravity – the weight of it…

It was crushing us.

 

When it finally broke us,

You picked up the pieces and carried them too.

I want you to know you should be proud of how you carried it all;

Proud of what you accomplished.

 

I know I am…

 

I’ll admit, it took some time. It’s ongoing.

You had to grieve, and I still do.

You had to blame and doubt myself, and I do too.

 

It felt safer before when we remained hidden…

Camouflaged. In Character.

You had no desire to be exposed.

 

You knew it would hurt and it hurt.

Hell, it hurts.

But what you didn’t know, is it would be worth it.

Worth it to be seen… to be understood… to be felt.

 

To Be.

 

I’m sorry…

I’m sorry that I didn’t become what you wanted.

What you expected.

What you thought was expected…

 

But I became you.

No apologies for that.

 

 

 

 

 

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