There will never be another BLACK S-A-E…. I wish there had been one less.
My former fraternity broke my heart today. A video was posted allegedly showing members of the Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity’s Oklahoma Kappa chapter chanting a disturbing song evoking images of deep hatred and cruelty that we too often choose to ignore happened in our country. To say it was racist is not enough. It hit me in the very core of my soul when I saw the video.
I know those bus rides well. I was a member of this chapter 14 years ago. The second BLACK MAN to be initiated in those halls. We had our own songs….different songs…but songs we sang on every bus trip to every date party for four years. We didn’t know where the songs came from or who made them up or even what some of them meant, but we sang them so often we all knew them whether we wanted to or not….
So now 14 years later, my “brothers” now sing this song. This is what gets their spirits united for a great night out with their friends and their dates (one of which, thank God exposed this …this). This is what binds them. But I remember what binded us. I remember the True Gentleman.
The true gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe.
Good will. Propriety. Self-Control. Honor. Virtue. Sympathy.
I wanted to be an Omega. All my heroes from television were Omegas. My cousins are Kappas and Alphas. I went S-A-E. My mother wanted to protect her son from … everything and forbid me to pledge anything. I went through two days of rush just to see what was out there. Every house was the same, everyone looked the same, and I was very aware that no one looked like me. But a childhood friend, of mine, Ben, wanted to see the S-A-E house because his Grandfather had been an Alph and my friend hoped to honor him by extending that legacy. I walked in to what was one of the most confusing houses I’ve ever been in. I met two of the nicest, but, whitest guys of all time (still love you Geoff and Mr. Manley) who told me a lot about the house and what they wanted to provide their pledges. They told me what they expected from their pledges.
They weren’t selling a hedonistic fantasy, and they weren’t trying to say what made them better than the other houses. It was refreshing… Then I got lost…(I said the house was confusing.) I found a room with a pool table, couches and a big screen. I had my rushee’s nametag on my chest and my National Merit/Achiever’s Scholarship, Math and Science nerd look on my face, when I met a Native American fraternity member, a Brazilian (Venezuelen. Forgive me E.P.) fraternity member, and a couple Caucasian members. They saw the look and they ripped into me and everyone else they saw, light heartedly, but they let us know they could care less if any of us there, whatever our race may be, signed with their house or not. We were in their home. Didn’t matter the color. Didn’t matter the country of origin. They were S-A-Es. Whoever you were out there is great, but once you come in here, you are one of us. Phi Alpha!
I wanted to be an Omega. All my heroes from television are Omegas. My Cousins are Kappas and Alphas. I went S-A-E! The Pledge class had already been assembled. They had already met and gotten acquainted. They had already had official meetings as a pledge class. They were all equally pigmented. Then I showed up. The only BLACK MAN there. I’d be lying if I said race never came up there. But I wouldn’t be telling the whole story if I didn’t say that when race came up it was from a place of genuine inquiry. People wanting to understand a race they hadn’t been exposed to much. And in my own little self-sacrificing way, I wanted to be that for the house. I wanted to be the guy that shattered all those preconceived notions of BLACK MEN; those stereotypes of fear, that I think (it’s just my thought. It doesn’t have to be your truth) lead to our youth not always making it home from the store with their skittles. I knew when I joined that house, that I’d be looked at differently. Why would he want to be in that house? And I knew it would come from both sides.
I remember hearing people saying things about S-A-E for having a black member. I remember being shoved into a wall at the school gym by some fellow BLACK MEN who swiped the letters on the front of my shirt and said, “Whose house is THAT, brother?!”
But I held offices. I was member educator. Song chair. I led Scandals, directed U-Sing, directed Home Coming Pep Rallies (some of the Illest still!). I stood out front and said “S-A-E is different!” We can be at the Mountain Top. And we were different….
But it’s been 14 years since I walked in, and there still hasn’t been a third BLACK MAN. I thought we were different. Maybe we weren’t. Maybe I was just being hopeful. But I believed. I believed in S-A-E. I believed in the True Gentlemen. I believed my brothers were my brothers. I believed my son should be their brother if he so chose one day.
But then I saw that video. I saw that video speaking of lynching me instead of ever letting me sign. Of killing my 4 year legacy instead of ever letting him wear their letters. And then my son saw my face. My sweet innocent sympathetic son saw the pain and anger in my eyes and I had a decision to make: A decision White America will never understand. Do I teach my innocent 4 year old son about pure hatred today, or do I save that innocence one more day? Do I let him keep going a few more days, weeks, months before I have to start preparing him for this? My mother prepared me…I thought she was wrong. I thought we’d be further by now, but look at the news. Forget this one story, just look at the news. My mother prepared me. God Bless Her. And I will prepare my son, but not today. Today this BLACK MAN gave him a smile and finished eating dinner with him. This BLACK MAN gave him his bath and got him ready for bed in his perfect little world. I will not take that yet. But when I do, I will take S-A-E away as well. I had my time. I have my friends.
But I can have no association with this organization as a BLACK MAN. I know these were “kids being kids” and maybe they aren’t the hateful ignorant lost little boys I think they are, but I will not stand behind anything that allowed this to happen. They are not just kids being kids. Those boys are sons. Sons of men who failed them, and they failed my son. You Failed ME! Member 261-057. Your boys sang in unison. They may not know where the song came from or who made it up or even what all the words really mean, but they sing it so often they know all the words whether they want to or not.
I wanted to be an Omega. My heroes from television were all Omegas. My cousins are Kappas and Alphas….I went..S-A-E? Shame on me. But hopefully, there will never be another BLACK S-A-E.
-William Bruce James, II
Altar’d Thoughts 
God bless you, and I’m sorry.
I am not only your brother (hopefully not former) in SAE, but also your brother in Christ. We’ve all heard the excuses whenever something like this comes up, and they typically follow the same M.O. The actions of this bunch are not excusable in any way, shape or form.
The world is full of ignorant fools. Those who choose to live an insular existence, by cutting themselves off from new experiences, wallow in ignorance. Because personal experience is the natural enemy of ignorance. And racism is ignorance. So, what you were doing was assuming the mantle of generating that new experience. You were the catalyst for making that happen. This isn’t just about fraternities or Oklahoma or even the South. This type of behavior is pervasive and exists everywhere — even in the most progressive reaches of society. Because behind the facade of some of those wide smiles is the same old prejudices.
And so it remains, until someone makes a concerted effort to change it. Anyone can shake their head; that doesn’t take a lot of effort. What does take a lot of effort is what you did. My chapter was extremely diverse, and we all bonded and forged new friendships and discovered new things about ourselves and the way we perceived the world. But it didn’t start out that way — that barrier had to be broken again and again, years before I even pledged, until it took hold. Then, it changed permanently. And not just our chapter, but across the nation. Is it moving fast enough? No. Nothing ever does. But it is moving and it is changing, for the better.
I joined SAE to be part of something bigger than myself. Bigger than just my chapter. Before this incident, you and I could’ve met as fraternity brothers and given the grip, and then grabbed some lunch — where I would’ve introduced you to my family — and we would’ve connected, despite our differences, but because of our common experiences. And that’s what it’s all about.
You and I do not share a common experience with this bunch, so in truth? They weren’t really my brothers, anyway. I can’t imagine the disgust and disappointment you feel, but know that I share it as it applies to our fraternal connection. And I respect whatever decision you make, but never doubt that what you did does, in fact, matter. I’m proof-positive of that fact. I came out of college a completely different person than I went in. A better person. Because I was introduced to a diversity that I wouldn’t have experienced had I just gone to school and kept to myself. Or, not taken a leap of faith and simply gravitated toward people I identified with. But all of that had to start somewhere.
Choices ripple through time. Good and forthright choices make positive waves that affect people down the line that we’ll never know. But the change is there. It does matter. These men didn’t embody the True Gentleman. People are upset that they were exposed? I think it’s great. Get them out of there. Let the light shine on them and reveal them. I’m happy that national kicked them out and shut the chapter down. Swiftly and decisively. That, to me, shows intent and direction. And one that I can support. Because more important than the initial action is the reaction. And the reaction was the right one.
God Bless and Phi Alpha
I have quietly read the article by Will and all of the responses that have followed. I saw the video and was entirely disgusted by it. It didn’t matter the name of the group, their actions were deplorable. I then found out that they were SAE and I too was dumbfounded. But I am disappointed by what I read here as well. Each and everyone of us need to take a piece of the blame. I too am an SAE. I graduated in 1973 so I have a bit of age on this group. My house was the second house in the history of SAE to pledge a black man. We didn’t know that until years later. In 1969 none of that mattered to us. He was just another cool kid like the rest of us. My son’s half brother is an SAE in Boston. We are two generations apart.. But his reaction has been just like mine. We speak this together. The true gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety Where is this belief by any of you? I took that pledge as a lifelong endeavor. Did not the rest of you? The true gentle man does not idly sit by as other brothers are wrong in their ways. To read Will’s treatment of what he felt was camaraderie Makes me shudder in nearly the same way this current action has made all of us shudder. Each generation has to deal with their own levels of racism and hatred. But if all of you turn your backs and say it is not your problem than you have let every other SAE brother to say nothing of all the “Little sisters of Minerva” at our chapter a little more empty wondering if SAE really meant something after all Phi Alpha and good night. May the Phoenix rise again out of the ashes of this incident.
Clark
Reblogged this on Just Opinions.
Kudos Mr. James. Well said.
Please check your Facebook messages
You can still become an Omega if you want. SAE is not a National Pan Hellenic Council Organization.
I’m very sorry for you. This must be a such a huge loss. There are institutions that are very important to me, that I associate with some of my happiest memories, and I would be devastated if they revealed themselves to be less than I remembered them.
So… the camaraderie and brotherhood you cultivated during your tenure is negated?? I’m with you in your disgust and disdain, but the men you came to know as brothers did not have that mentality. Why let some young assholes remove you from the organization that you had an affinity for?
I’m an Alpha. I “worked” very hard for my letters. I’m certain you did too. They don’t get to take your letters from you. Not the SAE you earned. They are not more SAE than you. Like most White frats founded before 1980, I’m sure SAE was anti Black at some point in your history. You got in. So as a national fraternity, they are not anti black now. I’m sure I have frat brothers who despise the fact that White men have joined my Frat. Guess what my White frat brothers think about that??? They earned their A PHI A. You think they’re giving them back? Man, represent your Fraternity. Encourage Black men to join your Frat. The Frat is probably MUCH MORE what you joined than what your neophyte chapter brothers were chanting. And YOU ARE THEIR BROTHER!! Whether they like it or not. Some of those idiots were sleeping in the room you slept in. They probably love hip hop. Racist?? Not like their fathers, probably. Whether they are or not has no bearing on anything other than that bus and those idiots in that bus. Truth is, you should be encouraging them to bring the chapter back and then encourage as many “brothas” as possible to pledge SAE!! That will cure that “racist edge” real quick!
I have no sympathy for you. There are 5 perfectly good fraternities that were created for YOU. Yet you chose SAE??? And I’ve got news for you. They didn’t just start singing that song. I’m sure they sang it 14 years ago as well. I’m not surprised or shocked by this video at all. You sir are delusional. Save your anger and the pity party.
What’s with that “YOU” tone? What about whites that join historically black fraternities (and there always are a few), which have never discriminated? While institutitons may be historically or predominantly White, Asian, Black, or whatever, they should never be so blatantly racist as SAE. WhileSAE is a predominantly white fraternity, most chapters at least speak the rhetoric of welcoming all, which this negates.
I’m not sure what the value is in attacking this gentleman. He didn’t sing this song. He is a Black man who they know exists in their ranks and who they disregarded. He is the same as the rest of the Black folks they were targeting in this song. He has every right to be saddened by this and to be angry. And he is a human being deserving of compassion. The sentiment you expressed is plain mean and illogical. That would be like saying, “There are more than 100 HBCUS and you chose OU?” So, if a Black student experiences racism at a predominately White University and they are angry and upset about it, do we say “save your anger and the pity party?” I am glad that he wrote this article to give perspective on the choice he and other people of color make when they pledge these organizations. And I am glad to know that he didn’t explain it away like some other “phony, post-racial, I don’t see color” types.
Very well put.
Well said.
Agreed. Very well said.
Thank you for not offering an offensive comeback and choose one based on education and understanding. We need more communication like this. Its not us against the world .
And of those perfectly good 5 fraternities I would NEVER let my son join due to the ignorance that even NPHC encompasses. It’s bigotry which is why I’ll have nothing to do with them. Bravo to him for expressing his view, praying for peace for his mind. Shame on you for being a Black Greek Bully, obviously they weren’t the right organization for him at the time either.
self-righteous, much? An individual is free to join whatever fraternity there see fit. I didn’t pledge a frat during my time at university and that was my choice.
Sympathy? I don’t think that’s what he’s going for. I applaud his willingness and hopefulness for stepping out of the norm linking groups because that is the goal in progression.. at that, it was 14 years ago. What a step for a hopeful college kid. This is not crazy to most people, but it is personal for him. To go backwards so far and so hard for something he believed in is heartbreaking to read about. Those young men will be handled accordingly, but how sad this is because who knows how long they chanted that song.
Queen B, you don’t think you went a bit overboard here? No one has an obligation to join any organization regardless of color. Also, BGLOs were not just created for Black people to join. Our orgs were created to advance to goals and needs of our people also. It is a heavy burden to decide to take on the community service aspects of BGLOs and I honestly don’t think anyone should do it simply bc their skin is black and they want to be Greek. If he wanted to hang out and have fun and have people to call brothers that does not automatically mean he should have joined a BGLO.
Lastly, it is a shame that you can’t find empathy in your heart to understand where the man comes from and the feelings he’s dealing with. All of us who pledge as young people have some level of Utopian belief about our organizations based on the values espoused to us as interests. We all get let down at some point. He has a right to feel his feelings, and as his “family in color” we should support him through that journey. I don’t know a lot of black folks who are surprised to hear of the songs/behavior, but I feel for the man who knows a greater, personal disappointment because of this and I respond to his pain with love.
Your black card doesn’t get any blacker by coming at his neck like that.
You “Queen B” are definitely someone that has no logic; let alone should call themselves a “Queen”. A queen does NOT step on a KING to prove a point and a Queen must possess the qualities of such title. To add insult to injury and recommend other choices, “good fraternities”, is pointless. Who’s to say that there aren’t questionable practices in the others as well. What if one of these other 5 good fraternities had a hateful song specifically targeted at you “B”? Would that not then make your recommendation look idiotic. Choices are made from a place of good (when in consideration of Fraternity choice). What he found was good at his time and in that place. You can’t take that away.
I myself am in a Fraternity and believe it is one of the greatest in the world; but unfortunately the young and ignorant have had their share of questionable and stupid practices that has made my dear Fraternity suffer in negative light. But, for you to attack an open womb says a lot about your character “B”. If this is an attitude of one that is in a Sorority, I would never recommend joining because of your poor choice of words and negativity. We should be building one another not beating one another down with zero compassion.
And this is why as he said, he would get it from both sides. How can we expect to be respected by other races when we are still so disrespectful of other’s choices? This man clearly articulated his (logical and well thought out, imo) reasons for choosing the way he did. Yet instead of supporting his right to choose, his black Greek “cousins” can think of nothing to say but “I told you so?” Because segregating ourselves has worked so well for us, up till now!
Wow queen B…its actually really sad reading your comment but its not you thats saddening, its knowing that there is a system in place that perpetuates divide and that its embedded in all the aspects of our lives…like the author of the original post, i hope we are past this when my daughter goes to university…but unlike him i know this is fantasy.
Yikes, my goodness what a harsh response. This man is baring his soul and offering to us his private thoughts so that we may have a look into a the life of a black man at a white frat. I can honestly say I am still open to learning and understanding. You should get some of dat! And this is from a Black Greek woman.
William Bruce James, thank you. Get a copyright on your story, sounds like it could be a good one. A lot of slings and arrows will come your way, esp. from the Divine Nine community, let it roll right off your back and shake it off.
Keep ya head up!
So just cuz he’s black he should have joined a black org? Black orgs have major flaws too. MAJOR. And they are not as accepting from campus to campus. Who knows. Maybe he was in comfortable, because we can do that sometimes. Maybe he just wanted to be different. You see he said his mom forbid him to pledge. But he still wanted to belong somewhere. I really wish people would stop it. Tearing him down because he didn’t join a black org is not fair and I wonder if you are Greek Queen B. If so, I am sure you have non blacks in your org. Should they “stick to their own” too?
He’s not asking for sympathy. He’s pouring his heart out and explaining just how much this event has hurt him. So what, there were “five” frats created “for” him. His chose SAE because the brothers there showed him that they were different.
Real classy “Queen B”. Real classy. And yeah, keep up that self-segregation and self-limitation to organizations and activities that are “for black people”. That is some weak a** self-defeating logic but you obviously deem yourself, in your own mind, to be of superior wisdom and insight. Sad that people like you cling to small-minded beliefs and try to tear others down when they do. I’ve gone to predominantly white, private schools since 7th grade, I love snow-boarding, and I love and play ice-hockey among other things, yet I’m comfortable in ALL environments, and more knowledgeable, respectful, and genuinely proud of my black heritage than many black counterparts who stick the black world and and make the most noise over black issues. And in my time, I’ve seen my share of your self-limiting ‘be 2nd class, stay 2nd class’ attitude. And to be clear, its no specific organization (greek or otherwise) that I am saying is 2nd class…it’s the mindset that would wall off the majority of the world and the experiences it holds because they aren’t ‘black activities or organizations’ sanctioned by the self-appointed holders of ‘black culture’ like yourself. Grow up and venture out for a change. It may be less comfortable and, God forbid, you may even run across people of questionable racial outlook or tolerance…regardless you should not allow that possibility to limit your experiences or suggest that others limit theirs. Conversely doing so will reap both personal and collective progress. Perhaps President Obama should have kept it black and stayed in black-only or predominasntly black social circles, gone to an HBCU, limited his exposure and career choices to organizations, professions, and activities created “FOR” him, as you say. And we’d likely still be wondering how many decades or centuries till we see a Black President.
I think moreso she was trying to say dont shun your own people and then when you find out there are racist people out there you come back crying foul. No logical black person ever just calls another black person a sellout because they like skiing or snowboarding or choosing a white fraternity. Its when your mindset becomes that of a white supremacist, knowing full well your blackness is what they hate and you begin to stereotype your own people.
Why is it that we are the only race who tries to think that if we jusy keep doing what everyone says then they will like us. Sadly its not the case, have you ever listened to the illiterate and ignorant ideologies of racist people. We as black people will never be able to do anything in which people like that will change their views about us. And FYI we are not the only race who does any of these things either, people with a certain agenda just like to broadcast it.
Should we be hateful? No. Should we be willfully ignorant?No. Should we call eachother out on our double standards and bullshit? Yes. Should we call out “uncle toms” who perpetuate the victimization of our people for their personal gain and are abnormally inclined to cater to white american egos and comfort? Yes. Any real black person can easily understand these things. No Queen B might have been a bit harsh and inconsiderate but she was speaking realities and many times those are hard pills to swallow. Not to say this man was or is any of these things but come on how many times to we as black people have to be shown a certain trait that seems to be inherent in white culture before we distance ourselves and really demand some commentary and conversation in this country regarding race? Thats the place from which Queen B is speaking, we mus take the anger out or our voices wont be heard.
Dwa Har,
You make a lot of assumptions. You say Queen B was trying to say “don’t shun your own people” yet the writer said nothing of the sort. You say no logical black person calls another a sellout because they like skiing, or snowboarding, or choosing a white fraternity, yet that is ALL the writer did…chose a white fraternity…with no shunning of blacks whatsoever, and her response was what? One of utter rejection and a**holedness. And, BTW, yes, likewise, I’ve experienced first-hand black people who call other blacks sellouts just because of those things activities or associations you list. See those types fill in the blanks with their assumptions…just like Queen B did. The writer was never ever condescending or shunned black people…if anything, he repeated multiple times quite the opposite…yet that was totally ignored by her…and it seems even by you.
Queen B was not only a bit harsh, she was totally inappropriate and those are not realities that she was speaking to. She was speaking to some imaginary image in her own mind. I understand all the points you raise…about blacks shunning blacks and holding on to hands that hold them down…but the other problem that Queen B is guilty of and which you are being an apologist for is this logic of self-limitation. I’ve seen it too much.
So what’s it going to be Dwa Har? Are you going to contradict yourself in suggesting that Queen B has a point in her reaction to stuff the author never said or even intimated in any way? If you want to start calling each other out on double standard and bullshit, as you claim, you can start here…instead half-heartedly defending it.
I’m 43 BTW, though I referenced my school days I’ve seen quite a bit since then…and I still play ice hockey. I in no way wish to tear down Queen B…but I also have no desire to let her bullshit (and that of so many like her) slide.
Excuse me? How dare you say that to him. You clearly do not know the first thing about fraternities. They’re all about brotherhood. You develop a trust in them, a second home. The fact that this happened to him was totally out of his control. And what do you mean by there were other fraternities created “for YOU”? Wake up. This is 2015. Black people shouldn’t only join black fraternities. The simple fact that you have no sympathy at all just shows how delusional you are, yourself. The chant shouldn’t have happened. Take your racist self elsewhere, the world could use a lot less of people like you.
I have no sympathy, no “pity” for Mr. James, either. Mostly because I saw nothing in his remarks that solicited “pity” from anyone, on any count. What I read was a man expressing disappointment in a fraternal organization that he formerly held in esteem, formerly considered his association with that organization to be an honor and a privilege, and now laments all of his earlier judgments of and affiliations with that fraternal organization – due to the their dishonorable, undignified, and downright ignorant behavior. Seems to me he is disappointed. Seems to me he has good reason. Seems to me that any member of that fraternity who is not profoundly disappointed has something profoundly wrong with their value system. That’s just me talkin’.
What I see in Mr. James is a dignified man making a reasonable statement about where he stands. That action merits respect. He has mine. I wonder, QB, what your disrespect of and contempt for Mr. James says about your value system. Whatever it says, I’m certain it is in no way flattering. However, it’s your problem, not mine. You can have all of it; far be it from me to talk you out of it.
My “sympathies” are for the University of Oklahoma, that had this dishonor publicly laid at their doorstep, and for the any of the membership of S-A-E that does not stand with those in the video – but instead share Mr. James’ disappointment and embarrassment. My sympathies are for the parents of those kids in the video – sympathy for whatever shame and embarrassment they feel, and for the profound sense of failure they must be experiencing. If, however, they feel none of that, then they are most pitiable, most pitiful. If they feel no shame, then clearly, the apple did not fall far from the tree. My sympathies are for they fraternal “brothers” in the video, for their own blindness to how pitiful they are, and for the difficulty of the lessons they are now learning – the lesson that privileges and rights are not the same, the lesson that rights come with attendant responsibilities, the lesson that privileges may be revoked for cause, the lesson that society has a reasonable expectation of accountability, and the lesson of incurring a large debt that will be difficult to repay. Being kicked to the curb by University of Oklahoma in this instance is a life lesson that money cannot buy. But most of all, QB, my sympathy if for you, for your anger, your jaded point of view, for your experiences in life that gave rise to both, and for your prejudice, your bigotry. The most insidious of prejudices are those that we think we are justified in having. Those “righteous” prejudices are the kind that people take to their graves. Those prejudices are like kerosene. My mother once admonished me to never pour kerosene on a fire. I was six years old, but I needed no explanation. She was talking about adding my anger to someone else’s, until it burned out of control. Nothing good can come from righteous anger, or righteous prejudice – nothing good, not now, not ever. It’s a pity you can’t see that.
As a White Man, I would like to stand with the Black Man who penned the essay above. My grandchildren and his children will be peers in this country. Hopefully, together, Mr. James and I and like-minded people of reason can stand together and give our children and grandchildren the wisdom necessary to weather the storms that approach. It’s important to clarify where we stand, and why. I’d be honored to stand with a person of Mr. James’ insight and reason. If I don’t stand with him, there’s a chance someone might think I stand with those other folks. Society mistakenly thinking that I stand with bigots is something this White Man won’t tolerate – not ever.
Very nicely put! !
You mean like the buses, counters, and schools created just for “us?”
Hiding from racism isn’t the way to make it go away.
Separation just breeds fear, ignorance and contempt.
“There are 5 perfectly good fraternities that were created for YOU.”
Queen B, so now we have a place?!? A cap? A ceiling? I can remember a time when there were neighborhoods/areas that were “created” for us because legally, we couldn’t live in the same communities as white people. Our children were relegated to black-only schools because white people didn’t want our kids learning alongside there. Those schools that were “created” for us were substandard and books years behind those found in white schools. Should we have been happy with the ones that were “created” for us.
I’m not saying this to imply that white is better because that would be a falsehood. What I am saying is we’ve come to a point in our shared American history where we have more choices in virtually everything, including selecting a fraternity/sorority if you’re fortunate enough to be able to afford college. William made a choice that was the best for him based on what he thought/felt SAE represented and he can’t be faulted for that no more than white/Latino/Asian members of black fraternities/sororities.
I attended a predominately white university and went to a SAE rush. Those men were some of the BEST and noble men I met on that campus. I decided not to pledge because I wanted to join an organization where community service was the primary objective and the fraternities that were “created” for me just didn’t fit the bill so I pledged Alpha Phi Omega.
That was a deliberate choice. Another deliberate choice was moving to the same community where the two young men caught on the video chanting this crap live. Former President Bush lives in the same community. While the news these two young men were from our community bugged me, it didn’t surprise me AT ALL because I know my community.
But I’m not going to move to the “black sections” of Dallas because those are the areas “created” for me. Why? Economics. The black sections have poor schools, less than adequate public infrastructure, high crime, and a ridiculously lack of retail establishments. I know this because I have lived in ALL of them at some point and made a deliberate choice to move where I could actually build the life I felt I deserved. I didn’t have to settle.
So rather than unleashing this so-called “righteous anger” against William, whose intentions were good and now everything is cloudy, you might want to try a little compassion and empathy for OUR brotha…IJS…
William, I feel for you. You do have my sympathy. You have been let down by your brothers. I know it’s no consolation that I am sure the band of brothers and friends you made while you were an active member are hurt by this too. This stings and burns.
@Queen B – I am sorry that you are as misguided as the young men William has written about, and with your words, you carry on their attitudes.
to reiterate the words of my fellow Greeks before me, it saddens and hurts that you have to experience this pain. I’m a member of a Latina sorority (historically but not exclusive) and we have many women of different races/ethnicities/creeds, etc in our organization, and while I acknowledge that racism exists I know I never have seen them as different, they are first and foremost my sisters.
Don’t let some bad apples take away your love for your fraternity. As my founding sister once said “you get what you put into it, so make it the best for you”.
Again my heart goes out to you.
In Greek Unity Always,
A proud member of Lambda Theta Alpha Latin Sorority, Incorporated.
#Respect. This is your truth. And I know this was hard. Unlike the previous poster, I do have sympathy for you. I’m a member of a BGLO yet can understand why black members don’t join BLGOs (whether I agree or not)…. Regardless of choice, you didn’t choose to be disrespected and dehumanized by an organization you pledged your loyalty to. It’s so so sad that we haven’t reached a point in society where THIS is taboo.
But salute to you for your bravery and honesty
Had a right to pledge whatever he wanted. You say you want equality, and the right to go, be, and do whatever, whenever and with whomever…just like whites. But when we do just that, NOW you want us to be separated.
i have empathy for you because although there were fraternities made for you, you chose to venture outside the comforts of the “black world” and that is how progress is made! Your only delusion is that the world is ready to live colorblind as so many claim to be. Sadly most of those kids would boldly claim, “I’m not racist!” Sadly, most of them come from a deep and impenetrable legacy of racism that’s become so commonplace its unrecognizable. I applaud you for venturing out. I applaud you more for denouncing SAE.
I have empathy for you because although there were fraternities made for you, you chose to venture outside the comforts of the “black world” and that is how progress is made! Your only delusion is that the world is ready to live colorblind as so many claim to be. Sadly most of those kids would boldly claim, “I’m not racist!” Sadly, most of them come from a deep and impenetrable legacy of racism that’s become so commonplace its unrecognizable. I applaud you for venturing out. I applaud you more for denouncing SAE.
Thank you. That fits my sentiments exactly. Someone had to be that first brother to be a brother, and he put his neck out there. I just feel for him.
Paragraphs. They’re a wonderful concept.
You’re welcome
Phi Alpha brother. I am an alum of Oklahoma Mu at OSU. I have never had such a horrible feeling in my soul as I did when I saw the video. Please don’t let the actions of a few ruin your relationship with all GREAT brothers you have from membership. As you said, you are the man you are today partly because of what you gained as a member. I have a framed copy of the True Gentleman and refer to it daily to help me react accordingly to the issues of life, and I can tell from your writings it is deeply rooted in your life also.
I just wanted to let you know that there are many brothers out there who do wonderful things in our communities, state and Nation.
Please don’t allow the wonderful things to be taken from you by an ignorant few.
Tim Matthews #203-859
Meh. Overrated. 😉
Thank you for sharing. My son is Arcon (sp?) / President of his SAE house in Vermillion SD. I will be sending this to him. Like your friends he might qualify as “whitest guy” but I pray that his mom and I raised him to never do or tolerate what they did at OU.
It was his choice to join SAE and I don’t see the point
of giving any “special” accolades for speaking out. Also,
you can encourage progressive race relations without
trying to assimilate into mostly white groups. That’s a
myth that’s often perpetuated by those who do not truly
know the ramifications racial superiority.
Phi Alpha. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BROTHER.
Dear William,
Despite the evil and hatred that infect our fraternity and our society as a whole, please know that you will always — always — have a brother here in Pittsburgh. My best to you and your family during this difficult time, for all of us who truly give our best to live out the TG every day. Don’t give up. Don’t let the ignorant win.
OA and God bless,
Chris A. Weber (PA-Chi Omicron ’93)
PS — If you ever find yourself in the ‘burgh, look me up. Dinner on me. Happy to share and lend an ear.
Mr. James,
Your words moved me to tears. I, too, was a proud alum of the OU Greek system until a few days ago… That video made my soul cringe. I am angry. I am embarrassed. I am so, so sorry. I rode on a lot of those buses to and from date parties and I never heard a song of hate. I want you to know that had I been there, I would not have sat quietly on that bus… But I wasn’t there and therefore, I couldn’t right that wrong. Instead, I’ll give you my very best – I will do everything in my power to raise the little boy who is currently sleeping in my arms to be a man of character. A man who will always, regardless of what everyone is doing around him, stand up for and with your son. A man who will do his best to right generations of wrong. While I understand it’s your responsibility as a parent to prepare your son for the good, bad and ugly that is the world today, please know that my husband and I will also be preparing our son so that your little boy won’t have to face it alone. That is the best I can give.
This is exactly what I thought about when I first heard about this bus incident. The conversations that Black parents will be forced to have with their children, be it today or some day in the future, after these kids see and hear about these kinds of things. That is what pisses me off this most.
In everything I’ve seen, heard and read that relates to this whole fiasco, to me what you’ve written here resonates the most. Your new anger and the resulting perspective that you will instill in your son are just additional repercussions of the actions of those pathetic losers on that bus. Your wisdom and integrity are inspiring. Your denunciation of SAE is of course spot on but please don’t lose completely what it was that made you want to venture out and strive for progress.
Sad but true… Divide and conquer. “The only way to whip these birds is to keep them separate!” Bull Conner
William,
As an SAE, EA at the University of Colorado in 1996, and whose grandfather was EA at OU in the 30’s….all I can say is how ashamed I am, and I think most of us are about this. These boys were ignorant, shameful, And hateful. Like you said, its simple. The True Gentleman says it all. Just know your brothers around the world are with you.
Phi Alpha
Bill Fickle
Bill.fickle@sidepockets.com
William, great article. I, like you, am a Black alum of SAE and I share in your heartache and pain after seeing the video of the actives of your chapter at OU promoting racism and hatred. I am also a founding father of my chapter and was initiated before most of the jerks on that bus where even born. Like you, I was drawn to the fraternity for the core values of it’s members and I’m proud to say that today our chapter is still flourishing and is the most diverse fraternity on our campus. While I’m hurt to my core and saddened by what has taken place at OU, I implore you not to give up and to support other minorities who, like you and I once were, are the current change agents within their chapters. it is going to be twice as hard for them moving forward because of the actions of a few. This is how we affect positive change moving forward. I have been fighting negative stereotypes and racism- subtle and overt, my entire life, and I will keep fighting …..for my sons….. for if I give up, these jerks in the video have won.
Saw this linked from Huff Po. This is compellingly written and I think your message and viewpoint is very much needed.Thank you for your clarity of emotion and honesty. I was drawn to read it because I was a member of a group that I wasn’t “supposed” to be in. In 1990, at the University Of Oklahoma, I became a Rhomeo of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority. Greek life was the polar opposite of anything I wanted to participate in, but many of my dorm friends were so disgusted by the absolute whiteness and racism of the Greek system that they asked that I become a member of their auxiliary. They hoped to show that if they could become diverse then so could all the rest. It was one the best experiences I had during my years in school. Sadly, I imagine that the “white” greek system is the same, but I wonder if there were any others like me who joined a “black frat” to try to change things for the better.
Beautifully written. And I think you made a good choice for your son. However fouled up we are–and how fitful our progress–at least we’re finally digging into our trunk of collective junk instead of pretending it doesn’t exist.
I’m better than my parents were, and my kids are better than me. Should one of my children fall in love with someone of a richer hue, their spouse and child will be welcomed and adored in a way mine probably wouldn’t have been. The world your son experiences will be better. Not as good as we want, but better.
That doesn’t mean today’s hurt isn’t real, though. Thank you for your honesty. Your openness. Your willingness to speak about your secret fears. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.
Thank you for your eloquence and reaction. It was a pleasure to read.
I, as a non-black man, joined a fraternity in 1996 made more for you than me. But you see, back in ’96 there was no fraternity with history and purpose made for me.
I was met with having to prove myself over and over again….even after crossing the burning sands. But you see, in the fraternity made more for you than me, my brothers evolved, newer brothers had a different paradigm….older brothers stopped asking why did I join the black man’s fraternity and asked more if I was ‘red dot’ or ‘feather’.
It was not because of when I was made, how I was made, number of years of financial membership…but because the walls of cultural ignorance started to fall. But why and how do cultural walls fall within minority groups more readily than within white groups? What is done differently with Asian groups, African-American groups, Native American groups, and Hispanic groups that allow them to more readily accept anyone else than in white groups?
Is it because the ‘common enemy’ is perceived to be unifying….who/what is the common enemy of white groups? Who/what is the enemy of the minority groups? Is that perception accurate?
I applaud you for going against the grain. I applaud you for taking on the experiences, both positive and negative, it all helps us grow and be stronger.
I am glad that I went against the grain. I found it rewarding because of the trials I faced. Our experiences have allowed us to be more worldly; you have interjected new experiences to Geoff and Mr. Manley as you will to your son. I will too. My son will hopefully follow in my footsteps and create a legacy of men from my family that are proud to wear Royal Blue and Pure White. Hopefullly when your son is of age, he will have the option to choose S-A-E because they will have evolved.
When you describe the choice not to educate your son about the world just yet, I lost it. I am white, and I will never have to educate my sons that way. They are 6 and 15 months now.
But I promise you I will educate them about racism, and I will teach them to love all people and treat them equally so that hopefully if they are ever asked to sing such a song they will not only say no, but they will also try to stop it any way they could.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Wow. This was a powerful and incredibly well-written essay. Thank you.
I am so sorry. I am a Pi Beta Phi alumna and I am an African American. I was the only one in my chapter too. I pledged nearly 20 years ago and I LOVE my Pi Phi sisters. But, Pi Phi was part of the fallout at the University of Alabama a few years ago. I watched as other Pi Phi Alumna successfully kept women of color out. And it was so sad.
Godly values were the foundation of our fraternities. Many of our traditions are steeped in the Bible. It’s hard to reconcile when our Founders values are not exemplified in our chapters today.
My comfort is that God knows. He knows our hearts. He will be the final judge. Our job is to be salt and light and to press on. I know your fraternity brothers will not forget you and the path you paved. The men you lived with are different because they met you and grew to love you. And their sons will be better because of it. So, all has not been lost.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. Thank you for being honest. I’m so sorry your heart is broken.
Pi Phi Love and Mine!
“Sigma Alpha Epsilon is the only national fraternity founded in the antebellum South…………………………
……..The fraternity had fewer than 400 members when the Civil War began. Of those, 369 went to war for the Confederate States and seven for the Union Army. Seventy-four members of the fraternity lost their lives in the war.”
http://www.sae.net/page.aspx?pid=756
This was taken straight from the History section of SAE’s website…
Seriously William ???
Kudos to you sir for your honesty and your willingness to be different. Life is a learning experience and way to take a stand.
The world is showing it’s ass. What about our children of this generation. Mr Will join a 11 year old spearheading Our Intergenerational Interactive Activity to pass the story of diaspora forward
Go ahead and be an Omega! SAE never counted in our books anyway! You really haven’t edged yet! Go Q!
Ooo ooo ooop!
Go aheaf and pledge Omega Psi Phi if you can… SAE never counted in our books anyway you really haven’t pledged..do you go Q!
My heart goes out to you. That song just sickens me. It makes angry and sad at the same time. There are so many people of all races who have worked so hard towards equality and caring for each other as brothers and sisters. But there are still so many who insist on promoting racism and hatred. It’s a stark reminder that we still have a long road ahead of his. The one thing I made sure I did was have a conversation with my boys who are 6 and 9. I told them about the chant and we discussed how it was wrong and hurtful and that we should never discriminate or say or do things to hurt others. I told them that we are all brothers and sisters, we are all of God’s children and that this behavior is sinful and unacceptable to God.
I completely understand why you would not want to destroy your young son’s innocence. That alone breaks my heart that you have to make such a decision. But I still have hope that our children and grandchildren will love each other and that this bigotry becomes a thing of the past.
I pray for peace and strength for you and that perhaps this ugly situation will help us all to work harder to destroy ignorance and break down barriers.
So proud to read your words. I thought of you as soon as this all surfaced and my heart broke. I hope you find healing through your writing. You are so brave. You probably don’t remember me, I was a goofy Gamma Phi who was a high school friend of “Chief’s”. I thought highly of the SAE’s I knew in the early 2000 classes and still call many my friends. I definitely think of you as one as well. Sorry for your loss. Take care. -L Woods
I am of mother of an OU graduate. I discouraged my son from joining a fraternity because of just this sort of behavior. I am greatful he took my advice. I read today where Barry Switzer more or less excused the bus behavior as a bunch of stupid freshman. I then researched what it is supposed to mean to be a SAE. These men were not stupid freshmen. These men can all read and write and no doubt can define racism. It’s time to take a serious look at ALL fraternities on public school campuses. I mean a real look at them. If it takes undercover pledges, then so be it. I believe this behavior is rampant among college fraternities (and sororities).
Mr. James, I apologize. I apologize as a mother of an OU graduate. I apologize as a mother of an OU graduate who is as white as white can possibly be. 🙏
Thank you for sharing your story and your anger. I am so sad that the ignorance of some young men at OU has given you second thoughts about your decision 14 years ago. At that time, with those young men, you were making the right choice. In distancing yourself from your fraternity now, you are making the right choice – for you. It’s unfortunate that the SAEs at OU didn’t have the opportunity to meet and learn from you. Learn brotherhood, tolerance of differences, interest in the lives of others and the true meaning of being a man. I hope they learn something from this, but I have the fear it will only feed their ignorance and intolerance. Blame will likely be laid at the feet of the same people who they were so disgustingly critical of. Thank you for raising your son to feel safe and loved a little longer. And I hope in years to come, he doesn’t have to feel the same sadness and anger you are experiencing. Each generation needs to learn from the bad behavior and faults of the previous one and rise above.